Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
