wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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