Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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