dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
