Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
