I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
