But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a beard to bite.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
