I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
