I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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