Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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