What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
