Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
