Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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