Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
