How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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