where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
