I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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