I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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