So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
