I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
