Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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