oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
