wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
