i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
