i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
