under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
