I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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