so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
