just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
