Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
