Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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