Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
