I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we're making bets on your personal life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
