I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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