You're completely useless in the revolution.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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