Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You may now shotgun with the bride
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
