I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
