I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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