Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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