I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's always time for handjobs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
