I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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