"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
