So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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