Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
