I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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