It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
