What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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