wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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