Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
