Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
