..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
