i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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