If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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