dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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