Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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