Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
