We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
