just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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