marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
