Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
