hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
