i barfeds in our rink
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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