We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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