Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
