So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
