can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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