btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
