one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
