Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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