He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
