i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
