So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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