i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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