I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize